A Paradox--

The Christian life is a journey to the greatest joy that exists. But "the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few" (Matthew 7:14). Why is that? Because, paradoxically, in order to pursue our greatest joy, we must deny ourselves.

For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels. (Mark 8:35-37)

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Two brief summary observations from this account:

First, the Christian life is hard; sometimes agonizing. We shouldn't be surprised (1 Peter 4:12). It's hard because denying our fallen selves is hard. Any death is hard, some much more than others. But it's designed to be that way. Our lives are our most precious earthly possession. Nothing displays the worth of Jesus more than our willingness to give away our lives (in small and large ways) for his sake.

Second, the only things that Jesus asks us to deny ourselves of are what will rob us of eternal joy. Like Moses in Hebrews 11:25-26, we are called to deny ourselves the passing pleasures of sin and consider the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the world's treasures. How? By looking to the reward! I'll sum it up in some lyrics I wrote in a song for my oldest daughter years ago:

There's joy beyond your wildest dreams if you will just believe
This aching thirst for joy you feel God only can relieve.
And that eternal life is what's in store
For all who will believe that only he's worth living for.

(DG website: www.desiringgod.com)

A True Gift From the Lord...

Father's Day 2010

Carey with his brother and Father

Father's Day Meal

Much has happened in our lives the past couple weeks. Much to be thankful for, grieve for, and be joyful for. Here is our family update:

Carey was offered, and he accepted, a job with "The River Academy Classical Christian School" in Wenatchee. We feel very blessed for this opportunity for him to teach three Bible classes. Teaching is a gift the Lord has given him, and we are thrilled for this experience of him.... A true gift from the Lord.

Next, Carey and I were given the chance to spend three days together in Seattle while I attended some continuing education classes for work. Nani and Popii (my parents) watched Niyah the entire time. We had a great time together strolling the streets, shopping, reading, eating lunch at Seattle's famous chowder house while enjoying the meal with a befriended homeless man, and we especially loved going out to dinner at The Metropolitan Grill-- thanks mom and dad! It was a refreshing time to relax and dream about the future together. I am very thankful for our love... A true gift from the Lord.

We also celebrated Carey's first 'official' Fathers Day! He had a special day last year too with knowing Niyah was in my womb, but this time she was here for him to hold and experience daily, as well as having another little one on the way! We had a special day together with a sweet morning of fellowship at Grace Covenant Church. We were able to celebrate with the saints of GCC as we witnessed the Baptism of a young man who has been radically called into the saving relationship with Christ. Praise God! We also enjoyed the company at a friends graduation party in the afternoon and then came home for a McPherson clan dinner and a movie. Carey was one blessed father of two that day... A true gift from the Lord.

Then on Tuesday June 22nd I went in for my first prenatal appointment. After initial health history review we looked at the calendar to figure out how far along I must be: 13 weeks. Very exciting! Already through my first trimester. I had been feeling great the past couple weeks with no symptoms of nausea, excessive tiredness etc. And so it was time to listen to this little one's heartbeat. Remembering back to the first time I heard Niyah's heartbeat made me all the more excited to listen to this new life within me. And so we listened....nothing. She tried again....nothing. My midwife calmly said "We must be off on our weeks as to how far along you are Tarah. Why don't we have you go in for an ultrasound so we can more accurately estimate your due date." I agreed with no hesitation nor real concern. The Lord was protecting me from anxiousness that day... A true gift from the Lord.

So on Thursday June 24th at 5:45pm Carey and I went in for an ultrasound. After thorough documentation by the ultrasound technician she told us that she would send the results to the radiologist which would then let us know the findings. I took that evening as a time to pray and examine my heart before the Lord and in light of Scriptures. I went for a walk and was blessed with the reminder of who God is and who this little one ultimately belongs to. The days of our lives are numbered and if the Lord chooses to take this child now, then so be it, praise be to God. Or if He chooses to give this child breath into this world, then so be it, praise be to God. I prayed for a heart to be humble before Him and His divine, sovereign, and good purposes. I prayed for a spirit against guilt, anger, bitterness, resentment, denial, doubt, and fear. Because all these things easily came to mind and without the Lord's grace to fight against such thoughts I would stand defeated and without hope. And so I sat in the warmth of the summer evenings sun under a tree. A tree that six years ago stood over a young girl and young man who where falling in love. And the Lord reassured me of His promises to never leave nor forsake the one's in whom He has called... A true gift from the Lord.

At 7:10pm evening I got a call from my midwife letting me know the answer to my prayers; the radiologist did not see any sign of a heart beating. It was the Lord's will to take our sweet baby now and not years from now. Carey and I spent the next hour grieving the loss of our second child. It was a sorrowful and beautiful time together. I will always remember the strength I felt in Christ and the tenderness I felt in the arms of my husband...A true gift from the Lord.

I may never come to know the exact reasons as to why this happened in our lives at this time and this place. But I will always hold fast to the truth I do know to be sure in the Person of Jesus Christ. My hope is built on nothing less. He is my portion, my rock, my refuge, my strength, my ever-present helper in time of need. The gospel of Jesus Christ is all the more beautiful to my soul and for this I am thankful. Our God only does what is right, even when it may hurt, and yet He is compassionate enough to supply the grace for us to endure with hope until His kingdom come. Oh Lord may it be soon! You are worthy of our praise O' God. Thank you for the life, even though it was short, of our second child... these months have been a true gift from You.